Recorded on August 3rd, 2016
“Men want to be like James Bond,” Mr. Haglin said. “Bond never wears cargo shorts.”
Finally, the pendulum may be swinging back, away from cargo shorts, towards something — anything — better. In all the times I have seen men in cargo shorts over the last couple of decades, I have never once thought to myself, “that dude looks good”, because it’s impossible to look good in cargo shorts. Even if they’re slim, the ridiculous pockets stitched on the outside look dumpy and out of place. My hatred for them is boundless.
Cargo shorts do have one redeeming quality, I suppose: they keep the man wearing them from walking out of his house in just his underwear, but now I’m starting to wonder if that would actually be worse or not.
If you’re literally on a literal safari in literal Africa, fine, go ahead. If you’re in the armed forces, more power to you — wear what you need to to get the job done. In all other cases, you should forgo cargo shorts. If you’re sticking with them for comfort, there are other ways to solve that problem. Shorts that fit don’t have to be uncomfortable.
I should say that I don’t know for an absolute fact that James Bond has never, ever appeared in cargo shorts. But I’m having a really hard time picturing it. You know this to be true.